I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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