he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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