So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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