Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
