I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
