she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
