If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize