Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
