In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
