Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
