your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
