I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
