Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
