no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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