I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize