God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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