PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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