Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
