Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
