I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
