This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
