Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
