While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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