So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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