Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
