White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
