my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my vagina is haunted
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize