Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
