I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
