Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
