You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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