In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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