cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
