Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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