this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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