I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
