Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize