what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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