Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
