Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
