Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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