If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
