That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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