Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
