Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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