girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
3 2 1 whiskey
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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