And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
