he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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