You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
