she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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