very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
