Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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