you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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