I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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