you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
