I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize