i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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