What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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