I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
