i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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