Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
