i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
