Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
