bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize