puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
