your thong is hanging out like whoa
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize