The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
where am i from again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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