Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
