last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
