I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
