non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
