I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
