So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
as a side note pls kill me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
