party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
