Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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