i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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