I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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