Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
