I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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