We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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