He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
