Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
