Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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