look no pants
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
