WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
