Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
