did you get engaged???
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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